Over the course of the corona virus lockdown there has been much rhetoric and advice on forming social bubbles, with the idea of helping people who’ve been cut off from friends and family. A bubble is defined as a group of people with whom you have close physical contact and the concept was first introduced in New Zealand at the beginning of their efforts to deal with the pandemic. I was in this situation well before this virus turned up when I first moved into my council flat. I was cut off from pretty much all of my close family and had no close friends near by. I was effectively a permanently paralysed refugee with few roots in my new home.
It was whilst I was watching Alex Brooker’s brave, candid , emotional and honest documentary, ‘Disability and Me’ https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000kqkf/alex-brooker-disability-and-me just a couple of days ago that it gave me pause to ponder the issue of bubbles and the differing nature and ways of emotional and physical support. The interview with Lee who had become paralysed suddenly over the course of a night after a spinal cord blockage, bought back vivid memories of my own instant experience and introduction to a disabled body more than ten years ago.
His comments that you remain the same person inside your head but because of the way your body and physical appearance have changed, many people , even friends, treat you differently and will even shun you, rang a note with me. Whether this is through guilt or an inabilty to know how to handle it and then find the right words to have a conversation it is hard to say. I also found that some people will just come to literally have a look as if they have gone to a safari park or the zoo for a day out to see a gorilla, a polar bear or a tiger as the main attraction. To look at, maybe give some food, have a brief chat and then disappear. You don’t expect to be treated differently but it can be awkward to avoid the fact that you are aware that your physical-being is being assessed and scrutinised in a way that it was not before.
“Disabled people all get lumped together under the umbrella term of disability, but of course we’re all different,” Lee says. He is right and we all have devvelped and evolved different ways to live with our respective disabilites. In Lee’s case it seemed apparent that his primary bubble was in his home with his supportive wife and two young children and to a lesser extent and further afield the disabled branch of the Arsenal football teams supporters club.
I was lying in a hospital bed in Johannesburg for probably a couple of months before I received a single card from both my young daughters, who live in Australia, with a brief message inside saying, ‘Hope you get well soon Dad’. Having spent the previous two months staring at the ceiling in a state of paralysis the message produced a mixture of helplessness, frustration and rage. Helpless because I could not react except within myself, frustrated that I could not just jump up and make everything ok and rage at my body and my ex who I felt had shown a distinct lack of sensitivity and was passing on her feeling towards me through this brutally simple and raw message. Possibly does not need highlighting that we had not separated on the most amicable of terms !
From this lowpoint the support bubble that has evolved has been formed to a large extent by the development and growth of the garden and my faithful canine buddy Yazoo. These two elements form key support pillars in my current existence. Through the garden and the dog I have formed a new identity and been able to meet new people without wishing to hide myself from view. I feel safe within this bubble and it provides me with a focus as it needs my help to continue to live. Whist the garden might continue to grow without me I think the chances are it would be returned to the default position of the council grass within a short space of time. Yazoo would no doubt also find a new home but I really think he would miss me. I would like to think I am in both their support bubbles. As a life long Hammer supporter I am used to blowing bubbles and watching them fly so high, but then like my dreams……
